Route 666 (The Dade Sisters Adventures, Book One

Connie and Lexi are widowed sisters whose daughters have left for college, and their husbands died in an Afghan helicopter crash. To cope with all of this, “the Dade sisters are goin cruisin down Route 66!” However, they have to get there from Georgia first, with stops to visit their brother, Turner, and their widowed daddy, Jarrett, in Florida, where the fun begins.

Apparently Turner has lost whatever shreds of sense he previously possessed, because he starts sending his sisters photos of his member.  Yes, his member in good standing. When he starts dancing on the waves of Blue Angel Park, a nearby woman screams “Oh, Jesus!,” and he responds cheerily, “No, just me, Turner, though he did make walking on water famous!”

Turns out Turner’s been drawn into an otherworldly dimension by an idiot who bought a spell book off Amazon, and not only is Turner affected, but two interstellar law officers on the path of the idiot were thrust into the nearby bodies of a chihuahua and a rat when the portal closed too soon. Connie and Lexi are initially startled by their talking pals, but quickly adjust as they realize they need to help Nash and Nelson, the rat and the chihuahua, make it back to their dimension in order to restore order.

Their restored Thunderbird breaks down on the outskirts of Pensacola, Florida, and the local garage picks it up and gives them a loaner …. a possessed Honda named Albert. As they sit in Waffle House, preparing to chow down, the car starts shaking, levitating, honking and flashing lights — all other sorts of possessed nonsense.  The manager of the motel where they’re bunking is beside himself: “You get this weird ass car out of this parking lot right now or I’m calling the cops!” The ladies are most certainly up for adventure but a possessed Honda is a step too far.

Visiting Daddy Dade is a strange interlude, as their childhood home hasn’t changed a bit since their mother passed away several years earlier. However, Jarrett has started smoking pot (“I have a medical prescription for that”) and befriended a married couple who are Elvis and Priscilla imitators. Plus his personal life has picked up with a zing, more than the sisters care to know.

Will Nate and Nelson return to their human bodies in a parallel universe? Will Turner return to himself and stop dancing like Katrina on Florida waves? Will Connie and Lexi ever get out of Florida and on their way to Route 66? Just listen for the strains of “Hotel California” to lead you.

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